For four times i asked God to take this away and push it later, yet He would not. I accept this as His will for me. What surrounds my heart and clouds my mind now is the sense of uncertainty together with the sense of mission.
I really wana go in and shine. yet on the other hand, there's this sense of "don't know what to expect" in my heart. In whatever case, i choose to put the Lord first and just do my best. Doing everything on to the Lord.
God works through willing hands. As i willingly put my hand to the plow, work the best i know how, i except God's hands of grace to be with me, prospering whatever i do. God's good, the devil's bad and that's final!
Accepting this as the will of God for me hasn't been easy. Countless times i've come to God to plead my way out, but nothing seems to happen. I chose to obey, even though i don't understand. This bitter-sweet feeling is somewhat familar to all of us, especially Jesus.
I could identify with how He must have felt in the garden praying just before He was betrayed. How He prayed for 3 times, pleading God with tears and nothing happen. Instead of resenting the Lord, He willingly embraced the "higher thoughts and ways" God the Father has installed.
That requires faith and takes a man of character to hold something like that together.
James 1:2-4,12
Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance.
Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything... Blessed is the man who perseveres under trial, because when he has stood the test, he will receive the crown of life that God has promised to those who love him.
